Guest Post: The Date

Dear Readers, today we are delighted to be graced by the sassy and amazing Twisted Empress. Kindly go to her blog https://twistedempress.wordpress.com/ and read all her amazing articles. Below is one of her articles. You can find it on this link.

Seven days till the date and I am stressed out. He likes red like strawberry  red but the closest red thing I own is in apple red that’s far from his preference. I could wear yellow but it’s dinner not a brunch date. White, pure and angelic but I told him I swear like a sailor on a pirate ship. That’s a contrast, he likes to be proven wrong so the white stands a chance. An office suit, too business like. Sasha, it’s a date not a meeting. This is why I hate surprises, we could be going scuba diving and I show up in a wedding dress.

closeup portrait of young lady talking on mobile phone
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Hey, could you drop a hint or something? I am doing a wardrobe check.

Be casual that’s all I’m going to say.

Casual business? Casual beach? What kind of casual?

Figure it out Sash,you always look stunning anyway. See you soon.

This was our first date,Dave and I,since the moment we matched and had conversations bordering on celestial level. We zinged. Traded photos and calls until we decided the hugging skills need to be put on trial mode. He would pick me up at the park because well I didn’t want him knowing where I live incase things went wrong. The precaution came with experience,the streets had been cruel before and that’s a story for another day.

cars on road in city during night time
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Five more days, is it too early to back out. I suddenly remember my weird eating habits. I don’t bite into my orange instead prefering to pick piece by piece. I get mad when pizza  slices are picked from different angles. Why would you not  just pick in one direction please? I like pineapple on pizza and I am tired of defending my stand. I like it and that’s on that. Coffee and I do not mix. Sasha, calm down.

72 hours to go,if he makes a joke and I go all piggy when I laugh, will he leave?  How about the facial expressions that just spring out of the bush? Will he think my nerves are uncoordinated? If it’s a game, should I cheer for his team or remain neutral? Does he even like sports? It’s just a date, not a marriage proposal.

24 hours. My hair decides to resemble a bird nest. My hair stylist has fallen off the planet probably went to Jupiter to get new supplies. My back up is giving birth to twins, she’s in the ER. My third base, her client list is full. Universe. Universe. Universe. I softly spoke your name this time. I did not exercise my blessed vocal range to call on you. What wrong did I do? Is it because I did not feed the squirrels? I was out of nuts both literally and figuratively. My bestfriend had just told me he was getting married to the same girl who broke his favorite Friends mug. I only forgot Ross’ name once and he blocked me for a week. Maybe it’s love that did that to him but you cannot blame a girl for losing her mind.


2 hours till pick up. I feel like a gift about to be delivered, all boxed up and pretty. My room on the other hand is probably about to call Child services on me. She’s a mess, a storm passed through and remodeled her. I am ready and my hair actually gave in, thank you heavens. Heels, sandals or converse. Heels, I’ll get tired and he might just carry me. That’s cute but debatable. Converse, too casual and relaxed. Sandals it is,I am not about to hide my new polish.

person lying on bed inside room
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15 minutes, I cannot go back now. It’s a done deal and my breath just hitched. Are you the hallmark for beauty because my man, the descendants of Adam need to pick up a thing or two from you. He laughed, did I just say that out loud.

grayscale photo of man wearing champion sweater
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You look amazing Sash.

Are those trumpets in my head? Is my stomach boiling right now?

Sash,you know compared to your compliment I pretty much cannot be at par with you.

His voice. His voice. His voice. I shouldn’t be reacting like this. We’ve talked before but no one prepared me for the smoothness of it. Did I have doubts before, yes and I was foolish then.


Let’s go Sash. The car is warm, you’d probably find your tongue in there.

He just did that. Well ladies and gentlemen let the hits begin, Miss Universe do not fail me. This will be an interesting date, I can already tell.


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